


But I am not a dirty god, and I don't have a dirty body

by schmutzigvogel (kunstvogel)



Category: Band of Brothers
Genre: Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Body Dysphoria, Genital Mutilation, Graphic Descriptions of Scarring, M/M, Omega/Omega Relationship, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Romance, Sexism, psychological pain
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-15
Updated: 2018-05-15
Packaged: 2019-05-07 06:13:50
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,835
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14664987
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kunstvogel/pseuds/schmutzigvogel
Summary: Lewis meets another Omega by chance one night. Becoming involved with Dick brings his past traumas to light, but from it he also begins to heal and recover.





	But I am not a dirty god, and I don't have a dirty body

**Author's Note:**

> Title from the song "Legit Tattoo Gun" by The Front Bottoms. I have never listened to this song or the band, but it came up in one of my classes and the lyrics felt relevant.
> 
> This is a different Omegaverse - in this world, Omegas are very, very rare, probably only 5% or less of the population, and their biology is considered an anomaly. The majority of Omegas are subjected to corrective surgeries upon birth, their true identities hidden from them. A bit bleak, but I promise it gets better.
> 
> The premise itself is inspired by FGM (female genital mutilation, a common practice in more sexist nations), and the trials of intersexed people, who are often subjected to corrective surgeries at birth and later come to resent them. I do not aim to represent either issue in this work, I merely drew inspiration from them.

They met at a charity dinner, an organization working to end the stigma around Omegas in society. Dick had been drawn inexplicably to the round-faced brunette, tucked away in the far corner, sipping from a glass of wine as he watched the speakers from afar.

“Hey,” Dick had said, sitting down beside the other young man. “You here alone?”

He’d glanced up then, dark eyes meeting Dick’s. “Yeah, it’s just me,” he’d said, managing a smile. “I don’t get out too much, but this is for a good cause, so…”

“I’m Dick.” Dick offered his hand, which the brunette had taken.

“Lewis,” he’d said shortly.

And from there they’d talked the night away, parting awkwardly with the promise to see each other again, and at the next charity dinner they did in fact find each other. Lew introduced himself as a Beta, and Dick as an Omega. Then there was a hand on a thigh, and murmured words, and they’d gone to Lew’s car after everyone else had left and kissed, and then Lew had dropped Dick’s car off and taken the Omega to his secluded studio home, and now they are here- kissing passionately in Lew’s king sized bed.

Dick fumbles for Lew's fly, fingers clumsy in his eagerness, but Lew tenses suddenly and pushes his hand away. Stunned, Dick glances up at the Beta.  
  
"I'm sorry," he says quickly. "Was I too forward?"  
  
"No," Lew shakes his head, looking bothered. He draws his knees to his chest, effectively blocking Dick. "I, uh, haven't been entirely honest with you," Lew says softly. "I'm not a Beta."  
  
Dick frowns. "But- you have no scent- I can tell you aren't wearing a blocker."  
  
Lew grimaces. "I'm an Omega, too," he whispers.  
  
"Oh." Dick smiles. "Is that all? You know I don't care- I'm just like you."  
  
"It's not that," Lew says slowly. "Your family- they don't mind it so much. They protect you- I think sometimes a little too much. We're not _normal_ , Dick, we're not...right." He glances up, grimacing at the dawning concern and fear in Dick's eyes. "My family isn't like yours. They wanted an Alpha, Dick, do you understand?"  
  
"Lew..." Dick's voice is low, aghast. "What are you talking about?"  
  
Lew curls his shoulders inwards, involuntarily. It hurts just thinking about it- it always hurts, anyway, but sometimes he manages to forget.  
  
"I'm infertile," Lew whispers. "They- they took it out. And then there was... _cosmetic_ _surgery_. It- it didn't work out, though." Lew shudders. "My mother...fixed it."  
  
"My God," Dick rasps. The color's left his cheeks now and Lew regrets saying anything in the first place. He blinks and feels tears spill over. He hates talking about this, much less seeing it on himself every morning.  
  
"I'm sorry," Lew rasps. "It's- it's not pretty. And it doesn't feel good. I've tried." He leaves the details unspoken, but he's become a celibate creature- sex just isn't worth the pain it causes him. "Mother wanted me to pose as a Beta girl after all this," Lew says darkly. "But she ruined even that. I'm a _freak_."  
  
"Lew," Dick reaches for Lew's hands, intertwining their fingers. "You're not a freak, I swear it. We're- we're both different, but we- well- before all that, it's how we were born. And what happened to you after is...is wrong and despicable and inhumane. But you're not a freak, Lew."  
  
Lew meets Dick's eyes, frowning. "You haven't seen me," he says softly. "You haven't seen what's left of me down there."  
  
"I don't need to," Dick admonishes softly. "Scars don't change your character. They just show what you've _survived_."  
  
Lew's gaze flickers away. A shy smile curls his lips. He moves, crawling forward to push Dick down onto his back, straddling his hips and kissing him. Dick moans and spreads his legs, his tongue pressing between Lew's lips eagerly. Soon enough Dick is stripped bare and Lew is down to just his briefs, his face buried between Dick's legs as he laps up the Omega's slick and suckles his cocklet. Dick bucks up into Lew's face, his fingers tangled in the other Omega's hair and his mouth open in ecstacy.  
  
"Lew," Dick moans, and bucks up hard as he comes. Lew stays, licking it up until he's cleaned up Dick's mess. He crawls up alongside Dick afterwards and they kiss again, slow and passionate.  
  
After they've both cleaned up and come down, Lew asks Dick: "Do you want to see?"  
  
Dick looks over, finding Lew's face grave, nervous.  
  
"You don't have to show me," Dick says softly.  
  
"I think I want to," Lew whispers.  
  
Dick frowns. "Only if you're comfortable."  
  
Lew nods. "It's- it's better in the shower. The, uh- humidity."  
  
"Okay," Dick agrees, and they both go to the bathroom. Lew has a walk-in shower big enough for four people, with two showerheads, and Dick is amused by his extravagance. Lew's too nervous to notice, though, his hands shaking as he turns the water on. He's sure this will be the end of it- Dick will see him for the messed-up freak he is. The scar curving under his belly is nothing compared to the rest.  
  
"You first," Lew says, stepping back to let Dick in. "Tell me if the water's too hot."  
  
Dick smiles and steps in, ducking under the spray with a content sigh. Lew rakes his eyes over the Omega's figure enviously. He's perfect- fit, but curved in all the right places, a thin dusting of ginger hair over his chest and legs, a darker patch shaved into a neat triangle over his sex, still swollen from Lew's ministrations. He turns to look at Lew with a smile, and Lew's heart clenches.  
  
"Turn around," Lew says, and Dick obeys. He shucks his briefs off and steps in, closing the door and pointedly not looking down at himself. _Dsyphoria_ , his therapist had said once- _you feel that you do not belong in your body._ No, it wouldn't do to disassociate on Dick right now.  
  
"You can look," Lew says quietly, and steels himself.  
  
Dick turns, looking Lew in the eye first. His gaze travels down then, to Lew's flat chest, his soft belly, pausing as he notices the angry scar beneath it for the first time. Then he sees it, and his breath catches.  
  
"Lew," he gasps, and Lew is trembling, tears welling up. Dick drops to his knees, slowly, covering his mouth with a hand. Lew tries not to look down, watching peripherally. "My God," he moans, voice muffled. "What did they _do_ to you?"  
  
Lew swallows. He knows how it looks. He's looked in the mirror at it for most of his life. There are scars on his thighs, from the scissors his mother used, from her hands shaking as she reached between and took that swollen _thing_ \- and his folds, too, tough with scarred flesh and barely there, from when they sealed them together- he can't keep it clean properly, has to lubricate himself regularly just to keep from chafing- every touch is painful and he's had more panic attacks than he can count just washing up in the shower or tending to one of the seemingly ever-present bladder and yeast infections he has. The first time he tried to touch himself for pleasure he'd blacked out completely from the _wrongness_ and the pain of it all. They took his uterus, his cervix, sewed the tunnel that was left shut from the inside. He doesn't feel anything there on the inside, but the scars all around it and the tightness and dryness of it hurt beyond description. Rationally he knows it is mostly psychological pain- aside from the stretch of penetration or the infections he has there is nothing left there to feel pain, just hardened scars.  
  
"Lew," Dick's voice cuts through the haze and Lew glances up, seeing the Omega looking down at him in concern. "Lew? Are you with me?"  
  
Lew looks around, confused. He's sitting on the floor of the shower, the spray hitting the tile next to his foot. His hip throbs dully.  
  
"Dick?" Lew looks up, wide-eyed, his voice breaking. "Dick...I-I..." he shakes his head, tears rolling freely down his cheeks. Dick kneels in front of him, taking his hand.  
  
"Hey, now," Dick soothes, "It's okay, Lew, I won't leave you."  
  
"I was only nine," Lew croaks weakly. "I-I was just a _kid_."  
  
Dick lets out a soft, broken noise. "I'm sorry," he whispers. "I won't let anyone else hurt you." Dick smiles wanly, and Lew feels his heart break. He reaches for Dick, wrapping his arms around the taller Omega's shoulders and drawing him close, tucking his face against Dick's neck. He doesn't like to talk about what happened, but the pressure is off of his shoulders now, and Dick seems to still love him regardless of his scars, so he feels somewhat better.  
  
"C'mon," Dick whispers, kissing Lew's temple. "Let's wash up, before the water gets cold."

*

Before Dick, Lew had been extremely lonely. His parents let him go at eighteen and gave up on him long before that, merely sending him a paycheck each month to keep him alive and quiet. He lives in a house that was paid for by his mother, in an upscale Philadelphia neighborhood. Lew never went to university, instead taking online courses and graduating without ever leaving his house. He works from home, the odd graphic design or coding job on his computer. The charity dinners were the only exception to his solitude beside necessary grocery trips. He never dated, and never tried, but he had bought a few hours with the occasional Beta whore.

Only one of them ever saw him without clothes, and she had weeped with him and held him until he fell asleep. In the morning she was gone, and he had forgotten her name.

But when Lew wakes the morning after, Dick is still there beside him, trailing his fingers down Lew’s cheek tenderly and holding a plate of pancakes in his lap.

“I made breakfast,” Dick says. “You slept a lot.”

“What time’s it?” Lew sits up, rubbing his eyes.

“One thirty,” says Dick. “You slept for fifteen hours.”

“Christ,” Lew groans, stretching. “You should’ve woke me up. I feel like I’ve been hit by a train.”

Dick smiles faintly. “I think you needed the rest.”

Of course, Dick can’t know how right he is. By the time they went to bed the night before, Lew had been awake for 48 hours. Night terrors keep him up more often than not, and he doesn’t much like the side effects of his sleeping pills, so he takes them sparingly. He smiles up at Dick, accepting the plate of pancakes, and tucks in with gusto. Eating is at least one thing he can enjoy and partake in like a normal person, and the amused twist of Dick’s lips makes it all the more worthwhile. When he’s finished Dick sets the plate aside and curls alongside Lew. He’s dressed in a loose, powder-blue knit sweater and dark jeans, and he looks absolutely magnetic.

“So you’ll stay,” Lew says softly.

“Yes.” There’s no hesitation in Dick’s voice. “I want to stay.”

Lew purses his lips. “I’m not very social,” he warns.

“Neither am I,” Dick assures him. “There’s plenty to do without lots of people around.”

“I’m messy,” says Lew, “and difficult and depressive.”

“And you’re compassionate, intelligent, and strong-willed,” Dick counters. “There’s plenty to love about you. I’m here, aren’t I?”

Lew looks into Dick’s eyes, seeing nothing but honesty and naked affection. He reaches for Dick’s cheek, feeling the soft fuzz there, tracing the galaxies of his freckles. Lew leans over, pressing a tender kiss to Dick’s lips. Dick reciprocates, curling an arm around Lew’s waist and sighing happily.

“I think I love you,” Lew murmurs, trailing kisses down Dick’s neck.

“I think I love you, too,” Dick whispers.

*

Later, when they’ve gotten much closer and Dick has moved in with Lew, things change more significantly. Dick convinces Lew to seek help, and he begins seeing a Beta counselor named Carwood Lipton. His prescriptions change, and it’s for the better, but he still has bad days, still hardly leaves the house. The difference, though, is Dick’s steady presence. The Omega is too good for him, truly, but he’s too selfish to ruin it.

One night after they’ve made love, Dick breaks the ice.

“Lew,” Dick murmurs, palming the Omega’s cheek. “Let me pleasure you.”

They’re lying on the bed, Dick completely bare and swollen between the legs, Lew still dressed in his sweatpants, and Lew grimaces. He turns into Dick’s touch, though, not wanting to offend his lover.

“It hurts,” he rasps. “It always hurts, Dick.”

Dick kisses Lew. “The pain isn’t real,” he whispers. “It isn’t real. I am.”

Lew looks away, his eyes finding the window. He swallows thickly, his throat bobbing. He lies still beneath Dick, a position he takes only very rarely. Lew doesn’t like to make himself vulnerable. Even now he feels vaguely threatened, remembers faceless doctors looming over him. He blinks, clearing the image away. Dick wouldn’t hurt him.

“I’ll stop if you want me to,” Dick reassures Lew. “We don’t have to do it anyway.”

“I-” Lew swallows again, his lips quivering. “I want to try it. But- I’m scared I might...hurt you.”

Dick frowns, kissing Lew’s throat softly. “I trust you,” he murmurs. “Don’t you trust me too?” Lew is quiet for a while, then gives a barely perceptible nod.

“Okay,” he says quietly. “I trust you.” It’s not a lie, he does trust Dick, and very much so. But the fear is still there.

Dick kisses Lew again before coaxing his clothes off, stripping him down to his briefs. He hesitates at the underwear- despite the times they’ve been naked together, in the shower and at night- Lew prefers to sleep nude- Lew has only exposed himself in a vulnerable way to Dick once, when he first showed him his scars in the shower those few months ago. They both recognize this. Visibly steeling himself, Dick hooks his fingers in the waistband and slides the briefs down Lew’s hairy thighs, tossing them aside as Lew is exposed to him. Lew has begun to let his hair grow out everywhere now, his scars mostly hidden beneath the wiry curls, but Dick can see the pink lips, rough with scar tissue, peeking out from between.

Lew shifts nervously, still shy when exposed, and Dick rubs his thighs soothingly, leaning up to kiss his mouth. Lew’s tongue teases his lips and he gives in, letting Lew dominate his mouth while he explores the other Omega’s inner thighs, his fingers inching towards Lew’s folds slowly. When he first touches Lew’s sex, the Omega chokes out a fearful noise, tensing beneath him, and Dick stops.

“It’s okay,” he assures Lew softly. “Don’t think about what they did to you. Think about me.” Dark eyes meet his own, wide and stormy with emotion. Dick caresses Lew’s cheek with his free hand, kissing his brow sweetly. Lew nods shakily, still tense but breathing easier now. He thinks about Dick’s sleeping face beside him that morning, about the passion they share when he presses his own fingers and lips and tongue inside of Dick.

Dick moves his fingers slowly, cautiously feeling the toughened skin of his labia, the unnatural dryness of his opening. Lew whines, reaching for Dick’s free hand and twining their fingers together tightly.

“Shh,” Dick coaxes softly. “You’re okay. I’m here. I love you.” Lew bites his lip, trying to hold on to the image in his mind. He feels as Dick moves up a bit, pushing hair aside to feel what’s left of Lew’s clitoris, little more than a scarred bump, and Lew jerks away with a sharp cry, pressing his thighs together instinctively. The peaceful image is shattered, phantom pain lancing between his legs as he remembers his mother, holding the scissors that took so much from him. Dick sits back quickly, breaking all contact.

“Sorry,” he apologizes warily, “that was too far.”

Lew shakes his head, eyes squeezed shut. “No,” he gasps, “no, it’s- it’s stupid, it shouldn’t-” He coughs, short of breath. He’s panicking, the memories coming back unbidden, and he curls on his side on the bed.

“Breathe, Lew,” Dick urges, reaching for the Omega’s hand again, offering. Lew accepts, clutching his palm tightly. He nods, tries to control his breaths. Tears prick at his vision and he curses in frustration. Dick smiles weakly and it makes Lew feel like shit. Surely that had to feel like a slap in the face, being rejected by his mate.

“That’s enough for now,” Dick says quietly, reaching for a pair of sweatpants Lew had thrown on the bed carelessly that morning. Lew tugs them on gratefully, his cheeks pink with shame.

“Sorry,” he mumbles forlornly. “It’s- it’s not you.”

Dick smiles, sadly. “I know.”


End file.
